The Messy Truth About My First 17 Years of Meditation
Genni Allison | JUN 17, 2025
I often get asked about my meditation practice, and sometimes people assume it's always been this calm, centered experience for me. The truth? My meditation journey, especially when I first started 17 years ago, was far from peaceful. It was messy, uncomfortable, and frankly, often frustrating.
When I first tried to sit, every joint ached within 20-30 seconds of being in an easy seated position. For the first three years, I'd regularly drift off to sleep during sessions. I was utterly convinced I was failing and wasn't doing "it" right. And my mind? Oh, my mind was a chaotic battlefield of thoughts, making any semblance of stillness seem utterly impossible. For a solid decade, I genuinely felt like I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. There was no sudden 'aha!' moment; just persistent, sometimes uncomfortable, showing up. The self-criticism and tension I felt when it wasn't 'working' were immense.
But here's the beautiful part, the part that makes every moment of that struggle worth it: almost every single one of those early challenges has now transformed into its opposite. The physical discomfort during meditation is rare, sleep is reserved for actual bedtime, and my mind finds stillness much more readily. While I'll never claim to be a 'master' – because mastery isn't really the point – there's a deep sense of understanding and comfort in the practice now. The frustration has been replaced by acceptance and even joy.
My story isn't about achieving some perfect state; it's about the incredible power of consistent, gentle effort applied over time. It's about learning to let go of rigid expectations and simply showing up for yourself, exactly as you are, day after day.
If you're currently on a similar path, struggling with a meditation practice, or feel like you're simply not 'good enough' at something that's supposed to be beneficial, please know this: you're just going through the growth process. The journey is long, the growth is gradual, and every single moment you show up for yourself counts. Keep going.
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Genni Allison | JUN 17, 2025
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